Greetings again, wrestling fans. It's been another quiet week for Johnny Gallivan. FHW officials won't answer my calls, Johnny Lassiter threatens to fire me, and my basement has ants. But, it's all just another week in the life of a wrestling reporter. So, with the lack of any real news to report, I thought I'd give you fans a glimpse into the glamourous life of me, Johnny Gallivan.

June 10th - Monday
09:30 - Woke up.
09:45 - Went into the basement of my humble abode today to find a line of black ants marching towards my storage room. Their destination? A bag that I'd missed when I took out the garbage last week.
11:30 - Got a phone call from Ken Holbrook asking my permission to use my voice on FHW television. He wouldn't give me any more details, so I refused. He threatened to insert his cane into my "aperture", and I grudgingly accepted. Still, it will be good to get on FHW TV again, even if they won't let me in the building anymore.
11:40 - Cleaned up the basement (killing several dozen ants in the process) and removed the offending garbage bag.
13:50 - Famished. Sat down to a hearty "Chef Solo's Quik and E-Z Meals for One" beef stroganoff with some strange apple substance for desert.
14:15 - Turned on my computer. After a few quick games of Freecell, checked my email. (empty... again)
15:00 - Switched on the TV, but nothing on. Watched Casino on DVD.
18:00 - Ordered a pizza from "Dmitri's American-style Pizza". Watched nothing in particular on TV.
22:35 - Passed out on the couch.

June 11th - Tuesday
12:10 - Woke up with a bad back from my cruddy couch. Tried to do some exercises, but gave up after 10 minutes. Ate leftover pizza.
14:00 - Got call from Johnny Lassiter. JL was a little worried about The Beast, and wondered where the hell all of our reporters had gone. Explained our problems with work visas, and missing office supplies. JL told me to boost the readership or find another job.
14:20 - Updated my resume.
15:00 - Went outside. Picked up a hoagie from "Jizzy's Deli", and ran a few errands.
17:00 - Ate a few Tums to control Jizzy's Revenge, and spend several hours on Internet chatrooms hyping The Beast. Eventually wandered onto a couple porn sites.
23:12 - Fell asleep on my computer chair.

June 12th - Wednesday
07:20 - Woke up in agony from sleeping on the chair. Took a couple aspirin, and watched cartoons.
10:15 - Checked email. Received a message from Dr. Karate asking if I wanted to play golf with him on Saturday. Responded, telling him "thanks for the offer", but I had plans. Maybe next week. Received a message entitled "Forever Friends" from Jim Browski. Opened the attachment, and installed a virus into my system.
11:00 - After trying desperately to remove the virus, decided to call my PC support line for help.
11:40 - Waiting on hold for support. Decide to make myself a sandwich, but my bread is moldy. (mental note, buy unmoldy bread) Decided to eat a full bottle of dill pickles instead.
14:10 - Still on hold.
15:00 - Get through to support. Condensed conversation with support guy. (Kevin)

Kevin: How can I help you?
Me: My PC is busted.
K: Can you be more specific, sir?
M: I downloaded a file called "BlueMoon22" from some jerk I work with, and now my entire computer is unresponsive.
K: Sir, "BlueMoon22" is a joke virus. Let's try this. Hit control-alt-delete, and click Task Manager.
M: Ok.
K: And under the Processes tab, is there a list item called "blmn22.exe"?
M: Um, wait a minute... yes, it's there.
K: Highlight the item, and hit the End Process button.
M: Ok, one second. I'll be damned, that worked.
K: That should do it sir. In the future, you might want to be more careful opening attachments.
M: Will do. Thanks, Kevin.
K: My pleasure.

15:20 - Went downstair to get more pickles, and saw more ants. Freaked out.
15:25 - Done freaking out. Went to the grocery store for ant spray and poison disks. Laid them everywhere.
17:20 - Decided to cook a ham for supper.
17:22 - Decided against it. Ate full box of Count Chocula without milk while watching Red Dwarf on tape.
20:30 - Armed with hockey stick, checked on ants downstairs. Couple corpses near the wall. Stuck them on toothpicks as a warning to others.
21:00 - Thought the toothpick thing was a little "unbalanced" and removed them.
21:10 - Called Jim Browski to tell him off for the virus thing, and he said his dog must have sent the email. I told him he was full of it, but he vehemontly denied sending it. Just before I hung up, I could hear his girlfriend laughing in the background.
22:00 - Responded to my fan mail.
22:04 - Drank a cup of hot chocolate and watched Mrs. Doubtfire on MovieMax for the 5th time.
23:40 - Started watching some weird sci-fi movie about aliens in a small town, but fell asleep before it was over.

June 13th - Thursday
07:10 - Awakened by dog next door. Walked to my driveway, and gave the dog a nasty look. He didn't stop.
07:15 - Decided to make a full breakfast, but provisions were too low. Ate the remains of a pack of cold hotdogs while I waited for the grocery store to open. Watched Welcome Back Kotter on Nickelodeon.
09:05 - Went to grocery store and picked up a load of groceries. Lot of old people at the grocery store at 9 o'clock on a Thursday. Forgot bread.
10:20 - Couldn't decide between waffles and pancakes. Had both. (blueberry and blackberry, respectively)
10:45 - Went online, and found out that Mr. Show has finally been released on DVD. (about time!) Ordered seasons 1 and 2 immediately.
12:05 - Guy came to check the meter. Talked with him about wrestling while he was working. Obviously not a wrestling fan.
12:30 - Made a few calls while waiting for food to cook. Called Ken Holbrook, but no answer. Spoke to Angie at FHW reception again, but still no luck speaking with the new boss. Called Blackjack Rogers to confirm my appearance at his event this weekend. Got all the details.
12:45 - Poptarts burned! Ate a bunch of celery with Cheez Whiz instead.
14:00 - Finally removed moldy bread from fridge and discarded. Debated cleaning out the fridge, but decided to watch a documentary on Jack the Ripper instead.
16:00 - Organized my files.
18:00 - Made a massive sub sandwich that I couldn't finish. Put the rest in the fridge.
18:45 - In an experiment, replaced all the lightbulbs in the house at the same time to test how often I use each light.
20:30 - Went out to a bar with a couple Beast reporters. (not naming any names) One of them introduced me to this awful brown beer.
22:12 - Vomited.
22:30 - Drank more beer.
23:15 - Vomited.
23:50 - Got a gyro from this place on the way home.
00:29 - Vomited.
00:37 - Got home. Passed out in the bathroom.

June 14th - Friday
11:14 - Woke up. Still sick from that gyro. Ate some plain toast and about a tun of water.
12:00 - Decided to take a day off from the rat-race and relax. Gathered together all my Marx Brothers tapes, and got comfortable for a marathon.
14:30 - Didn't have any clean bowls, so ate handfuls of mini-wheats, followed by mouthfuls of milk from the jug. 4 mini-wheats + 1 mouthful of milk = perfect mix. Marathon continues.
16:18 - Nodded off during Cocoanuts.
20:220 - Decided to call it an early night. Packed my gear for Saturday, and went to bed.

June 15th - Saturday
09:10 - Alarm went off.
09:19 - Alarm went off.
09:28 - Alarm went off.
09:37 - Alarm went off.
09:46 - Got up. Rushed to get ready, and caught a cab to the airport.
12:45 - Arrived in Beechmont for an appearance at Blackjack Rogers' Riot City Wrestling show.
13:00 - Signed a few LWA T-shirts and gave away a bunch of Beast merchandise. Teamed with "Crooked" Don Most in a tag match against the Golden Warrior and some local radio host. We lost, but I got to hit "Ronnie the Mouth" with a bamboo cane. (felt good, even though I had no idea who he was)
16:30 - Ate at Dennys.
17:10 - Picked up a great blanket with a picture of some wolves on it for less than $10, but it wouldn't fit in my carry-on. Had to buy a suitcase to carry it home.
20:20 - Went to the airport for my flight.
20:30 - Flight delayed. Bought Terry Pratchett's Thief of Time while I waited.
03:30 - Finally arrived home.

June 23rd - Sunday
12:35 - Got up, and finished off my book. Used the wolf blanket as a cover for my front window. Fit perfectly.
13:00 - Checked my email. Another one from Browski. Deleted it. Checked my answering machine and there was a garbled drunken message from Leroy Brown on there. Only picked out 2 words... sumbitch and ass.
14:36 - Got a call from Johnny Lassiter. JL told me that I had better have a report ready for The Beast, because he was losing patience in me. Threatened to send over "D" to smarten me up. (he likes to kid)
16:14 - Sat down and tried to come up with a good idea for a report. Failed. Decided to update my diary for inspiration.
17:33 - Stopped for a snack (microwaved garlic cheese bread), and watched a re-run of Home Movies on the Cartoon Network.
18:45 - Photocopied several pages of my diary in place of a report. Faxed it to the office.